Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
