you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
