Did you just see the Batmobile???
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
