He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
