Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
