just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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