i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
