By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
