Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Oh god it's open bar.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
