Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
