Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
