He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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