Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
