i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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