Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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