a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
