And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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