If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
