I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.