Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.