I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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