who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
