I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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