Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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