I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
