We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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