bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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