Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
