If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
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Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
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Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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