I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Green mimosas i think yes
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
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Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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