The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
