high people should be assigned attendants
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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