onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
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When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
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I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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