Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
