went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
