xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
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i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
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If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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