somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
