we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
