thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
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He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
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We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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