If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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