i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
