I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
