how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
