We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
