so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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