just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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