where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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