OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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