he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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