I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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