Your mouth is God's brothel.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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