He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
