11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
