She's JV to your varsity
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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