At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You're like the curious george of whores
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
