ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
