so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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