Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
