fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
