Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
