Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
