capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
