there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
