you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
