and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
