Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
