My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
