so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
