I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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