Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I am mentally ready for anal.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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